~: SadnesS :~

Monday, September 26, 2005

Sigh

Sometimes I really wonder if I have any friends or not...

It's really as though I have none at the moment..

Are they irritated with me?

Are they upset about something I've done or not done?

Why are they excluding me so much?

What have I done wrong?

Everything was so perfect before...

When did it go wrong?

Why did it go wrong?

How did it go wrong?

I miss everything the way it was 3-4 months ago..

I had friends...

I had a sister to talk to anytime I wanted...

I had another 'sister' who lived next door, who would listen to all my troubles..

I had people to comfort me when things went wrong...

I was a good student who did well in almost anything..

I hate everything now...

Everytime I come back to this place, I hate it more..

I hate the way I pine for my family all the time..

I hate the fact that I'm away from my family..

I hate it that I'm ignored by people who call themselves my friends but ignore me most of the time, and don't bother telling me why..

I hate the fact that I've changed so much..

I hate the fact that I've put on weight -__-

I hate it that I'm alone most of the time now..

I hate it that this place is so lonely, in the middle of nowhere...

I hate it that I can't get out of this place for another year...

I hate it that I can't go home for good for another 4 years...

I hate it that I'm excluded from everything by everyone...

I hate it that I'm a loner now..

I don't know why but somehow, I just hate everything...

Sometimes I hate everything, sometimes I love everything..

Sometimes everything goes perfectly, sometimes everything goes all wrong..

What's wrong with me?

Why am I so morose and emotional?

I think I need to see a psychiatrist

It's 06:50 pm and Ariane's daydreaming once more~
Scream on.. Permalink

Monday, July 04, 2005

Anger

She calls herself an angel fallen from heaven. *scoffs* angel. right. from heaven. right. more like the devil risen from hell to wreak havoc and cause others misery, hurt and anger. Bitch. I hate her like hell. She says she's not fake. RIGHT. An outright lie. She says she's honest. RIGHT. Another outright lie. She says she keeps promises *riiiiiiiiight* like, she does *rolls eyes* and she says we can trust her with our lives. *scoffs* she'll most probably hurt you as much as she can at the first chance.

The only thing thats important in my life are my family and friends. But not myself.

*SCOFFS* she says that, and appears to be that on the outside. But I know her kind. She's most probably the most selfish person alive. If she thought that someone would hurt her, she'd hurt the person first. Even if the person would never ever hurt her. Compare her with me. I do not want to brag, but I knew that she would hurt me beyond my imagination the moment I met her. All because of him. I loved him more than anything, but he loved her. And she said she loved him too. I could see it would make him happy to be with her. So I 'gave' him to her. It broke my heart. But at least he would be happy.

But she, on the other hand... She saw that I loved him too. She knew it. Perhaps she was afraid I would steal him away from her. So she pushed him away before I could hurt her. Then when we were almost together, she took him back. Just to hurt me. Just to spite me. Less than two weeks later, he dumped her. And how long did she take to get over him? Less than a month! In less than a month, she got together with another guy she'd been talking on and on about since January. Obvious whether she loved him (my him) or not, no?

Stupid chit. Stupid slut. Stupid whoring bitch.

Theres just too much pain in this world. Theres just too much anger, too much hate.

*snaps fingers and scoffs* Uhh... Hello??? Darling???? YOU'RE the one who causes unneccessary hate, anger and pain! Even the pain inflicted on yourself.. That's caused by you! All the hurt and pain I've felt for the past 8 months was because of you!!!!!! Trust you with my life... *scoffs* I'd rather sleep in that CRYPT under the library than ever trust you!!!

I despise you. Detest you. Abhor you. Hate you. LOATHE you. You will NEVER be able to comprehend the hate I feel for you. Even if you live to be a thousand years, you will NEVER understand the hate I feel for you. You will never even feel the amount of hate I feel for you.

I wish I can talk to you. I wish I can see you, so I can spit in your face and give you the treatment you truly deserve, rather than just see you having the world laid at your feet by people blinded by your outer fakeness. I wish my friends can meet you so that they can make you feel the misery you've caused me for the past 8 months. You say you've felt depressed and misery. But it doesn't compare to the misery I felt.

I warn you, I will make your life the same hell mine was. I am glad I pulled out of it. But I hope you never will.

It's 02:27 am and Ariane's daydreaming once more~
Scream on.. Permalink

Friday, June 17, 2005

2nd entry? ^^;;

Haihz...... Been feeling so lonely lately...

I posted up an apology to them on my blog..

I hope they read it..

I hope they'll forgive me... ><

But on the lighter side!

I released alot of tension last night after 11pm ^_^

Nothing like a good hard cry to make you feel better

I hope they don't find out

Random thing

*hehe, is copying Kiwi-san*

I want to go back to Japan ^_^

With my whole family..

I really do miss them so much =(

*sigh*

I wonder if they're all really well...

I hope my dad gets back safely tomorrow =3

I forgot where he went though -____-

I want to buy loads of yukata and kimono and wear them everyday! :P

*is serious about it*

I want to get married to Susumu, have half a dozen kids and live my life taking care of them and the house -__________________-

I have unrealistic dreams :P

I notice most of the sentences start with 'I'

Am I that self centered? :P

Someone once said that I am..

But it doesn't bother me anymore ^^;;;

Cos I really AM that self-centered

Anyway, I'm afraid of having one of them catch me

Gotta go now

Baibai!!!

-Saeko-

-Last day of classes...-

-Thanks to all my teachers for the wonderful 6 months they've given me!-

-Hope to see the all again next term!-

It's 10:23 am and Ariane's daydreaming once more~
Scream on.. Permalink

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

'First' Entry..

Here's my 'first' (sort of) entry XD Actually, I'd had entries before this, then I decided to change my second blog and delete all of my miserable 2 previous entries :P

Anyway, hope this blog will turn out well.. =) It won't be as nice as my first blog, but at least, it will be a sanctuary where I can pour out all my feelings and not get into a fight with certain friends.... Haha.. Alright then.. That's all I CAN write for now... Ja, minna (in case anyone is wanting to know, I'm a Japan freak XD)

It's 09:55 am and Ariane's daydreaming once more~
Scream on.. Permalink



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About Saeko~

Saeko is a young 16 year old girl (about to turn 17!) who comes from a country in South East Asia, but is currently living in England to pursue her studies. She faces a hard time in this foreign country (though she has been here 3 times before this) as she is always unsure of herself, is struggling to cope with her studies and misses her family, friends and bed (not to mention the delicious food! =3) very very very much..

Attitude-wise, she is an insane little prick who loves to brag and irritate others and not many people like her for the person she really is..

Lately, she's been feeling lonely and has no outlet for it... Only tears have been her escape, but even tears are not enough to release the sadness she holds within her.. Therefore, she has created a new blog in hopes of finding a kind ear, and also hopes her friends never find this blog...

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